Thursday, March 10, 2011

Something Missing

        I miss high school. Many people apparently do not miss it, but I do. Certainly, this feeling manifests today, because a friend from that time was visiting me for a while. Nevertheless, I have to think back often, longing especially for all the time I had back then. Wasn't it fantastic in how many activities one could engage? Sports, hobbies, friends. How many different subjects one was acquainted with? Presently, I am so specialized and experience that I even unlearned skills that I used to be good at. Sure, I am in a phase of my life, in which I attempt to enrich my everyday life with new experiences, but I cannot help the guilty feeling that these come with the cost of me not being an excellent postdoc.
        Apart from the diversity, I miss the time that I had to be with friends. Often I am even too tired to see my friend that lives next door, to write an email or even just to comment on a facebook post. So it comes that I got used to start my conversations with apologies and I despise it. 
      Now I am here in this perfect place for a scientist, which is also so rich and beautiful in its nature and beyond that I do not have any commitments. Still, I feel so unsatisfied, because I am to weak to decide for one or the other. My boss recently said, one probably does not have a balanced day, a balanced week or a balanced year, but one can have a balanced life. I fear, she is as so often right, unfortunately it is a long way to feel that satisfaction. Too long for my melancholic character.
         Apparently it is a time in my life to choose to do one thing right. I am not sure, where to find the energy for it. Back in high school it was easy, I just did what I had to do. I wish I could be like back then. I miss it.


  1. you are very right; currently i do not have time for anything either, not even for commenting on facebook. or here.. theres always something else to do. for example; now i really have togoto sleep, otherwise tomorrow will be a disaster and i cant do all the labwork i am supposed to do. beeeuuugghh.
    and yes, sorry for this stupid comment! and for the fact that i still did not email you, although i promised...

  2. welterusten Catje, je hebt het verdient. Danke je en maak je maar om mij geen zorgen, ik doe het ook zo vaak:) veel success morgen:)

  3. I miss high school too! Like hell. I am now again living in the town where I went to highschool, except now I have to write my thesis and deal with all the stress involved, instead of skipping classes, going out, watching movies, playing guitar, climbing, and all those other things that made me a mediocre student ;-). Ah well, at least I don't have to make choices right now, I just have to finish this one thing. In an ideal world, making choices should come very natural, if you follow your instincts you will end up where you have to be, doing what you like and are good at. But that's more difficult than it sounds of course.

  4. you miss the idea of high school. Back then you were less experienced in life. If you went back now you would not like it in the same way, and back then you did not appreciate it like you think you would now.

    So the thing you claim to miss, has in reality never existed..

    ps dont go to the ocean maybe some japanese waves are coming your way..

  5. yes, i agree with tim....
    its more that time indeed where you didnt have any rsponsibilities and/or thoughts beyond yourselves. there was no urge to work to be able to pay the rent and all, that was taken care of by your parents. it was safe, easy and mindless....
    now people are in jobs they rather not be, they became average in something they hoped to excel in, the settled for something that they never thought they would... and find it hard to enjoy.
    of course, thats not for all of us, but i do think for quite some people..
    what about the photographer that imagined himself another richard avedon, but now has a photo-shop where he photographs people for their passports... and so on and so on...
    oh, how negative!
    im sorry!